


Afraid Of The Dark

by violetjosh



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Banditos - Freeform, Demaverse, M/M, Masturbation, PTSD, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Star Gazing, Strangers to Lovers, Tent Sex, anxiety attack, dema au, trench
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 17:09:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17985251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetjosh/pseuds/violetjosh
Summary: When Josh comes back, Tyler says; "Hey," Josh doesn't return the greeting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is from months ago and i honestly don’t really write like this anymore but i have millions of drafts that are this length and wanted to get this out there instead of letting it rot.

His escape had been nerve-racking, it had all happened so quickly. Josh grabbing him, banditos pulling him through the tunnel, pressing yellow tape to his clothes, the walking, the running, the climbing. It all happened in such a rush that it feels like such a distant memory now that he's here. 

Tyler sees it before they're even up the hill they've been hiking.

He sees the smoke from fires and he sees tents and people and god, he wishes he'd ran into the banditos sooner. Maybe if he had he would've escaped years ago. It's amazing, everything he knew there'd be once he escaped. And now, he gets to be a part of it. He's out. 

The camp is vast and busy once they reach it, Tyler's eyes stay wide. Everyone Tyler sees is doing something, moving, no one is just sitting around. It's overwhelming and makes him want to hide away, compared to Dema there's so much going on that he doesn't know where to look as they step in. It's over stimulating, loud. He squeezes his fists to keep himself grounded. 

He's nearly tripping over his feet as he walks, which he can barely feel in the first place. It's freezing cold up here, he can see his breath. It had only gotten colder as they'd traveled upwards. 

No one except him had seemed particularly bothered by the change in temperature. They've been out much longer than he has, they knew what to expect. There bodies must've already adjusted to the cold. 

"This is it?" Tyler whispers, in awe, the fear of frostbite gone from his mind. It's so different. 

Josh smiles at him, proud. "Yeah, we're here." He tugs on Tyler's sleeve to encourage him to follow him when he makes a left. "Stay with me." 

Tyler clings to Josh without touching him, he stays right behind him. He finds comfort in him, stability. Tyler doesn't really understand it, but, Josh makes him feel safe and considering he seems to be in a high position around here, Tyler should feel safe. Josh saved him, Josh will protect him even though Tyler knows he can protect himself. 

The rest of the banditos disperse once Josh leads him past a big bond fire. They're quick, moving to tents, seeing family, friends, hugs are common here, the laughter he hears makes him smile. Going to Dema is dangerous and everyone knows it, it's obvious by the way they all seem to cling to each other. The return of the group that came to get him had been anticipated. 

Josh has no reaction to any of this, or anyone, he grabs Tyler by his sleeve again when Tyler pauses and keeps walking him through the camp, silent, torch still in hand, he has no one to hug upon his return. 

There's no grand tour, just Josh pulling him around. Tyler can't find it in him to ask for anything more. 

The ground is dry underneath them, dusty. Dirt rises beneath his every step. Past the bond fire. (which Tyler assumes is the center of the camp) it's all tents; Tightly squeezed together to optimize space and security within the large group. Every few tents they'll be a gap where a fire pit has been built and every few tents they'll be water basins, metal and large. Tyler wonders if the water is drinkable, the question dies on his tongue when he attempts to speak. 

Josh hasn't looked at him since they got to the camp, he's barely looked at him since he got him out of Dema. Tyler doesn't expect him to either, Josh doesn't know him and Tyler doesn't want to force him into having a conversation. He doesn't want to force Josh into knowing him. Which is why he doesn't feel like he can talk to him. 

So, Tyler stays silent and shivers as he follows Josh's footing. 

He expects Josh's tent to be huge, considering his obvious level of power around here. He's a leader, that much is obvious. So Tyler's surprised when Josh leads him between and behind two big tents and stops in front of a much smaller one placed between two tall trees. It's hidden away from the entity of the camp, far away from everything. Tyler frowns. 

It can definitely accommodate two people without a problem, yet in comparaison to some of the other tents, it's small and closer to the ground. Tyler wasn't expecting something so modest from Josh. 

"This is my tent," He gestures to it and then places the top of the torch into a basin of water, the water steams. Josh sniffs and turns to look at Tyler. "It's kind of small but there's not really room anywhere else for you."

Tyler squeezes his wrist, digging his nails into skin. "I'm going to stay with you?" 

Josh narrows his eyes and drops his bag to the ground. "Would you prefer to stay with someone else?" 

"No," Tyler shakes his head. "I just assumed you'd want to be alone." 

"I do," Josh says and turns back around to fumble with fabric of the tent, pushing it to the side and tying a rope around it to keep it open. Tyler rubs at his eyes, he can't feel his finger tips. He wiggles his toes in his boots to make sure he can still feel them and snaps his eyes up when Josh huffs. 

He's looking at the ground, by the fire pit. "All my firewood is gone, shit." 

"Then get more." Tyler is still shivering. It shouldn't be a problem, seeing as the bandits must have a healthy amount of wood if they're keeping a fire that big going for hours at a time. 

Josh snorts and then looks at him, gaze softening, different than before. "Um," Josh pauses and carefully reaches for his bag, easily pulling it into his arms. "Are you cold? You look cold." 

Tyler rubs his hands together, his skin cold, everything is cold. "A little," He coughs. "It's fine, I can handle it." 

"Do you want to borrow a jacket, or a sweater maybe?" Tyler wants to object, the words are already on his tongue but then Josh pulls out a mustard hoodie from his bag and the words die. "It's my extra one," He passes it to him, Tyler immediately curling his fingers around the fabric. "Wear it." 

"Okay." Tyler decides not to object and pulls it over his head, already feeling warmer by merely touching the fabric. It's different than anything he's ever worn in Dema, softer, thicker. He clings to the fabric. 

"Good?" Josh asks. 

"Good." Tyler repeats, pulling his arms to his chest. The sweater is warm and smells like campfire smoke. 

Josh nods at him and rolls his shoulders back, he's still in a t-shirt and doesn't seem to have any plans to pull on a jacket. "Cool, well I need to go get firewood, food and more blankets." He scratches at his hat, a few more curls become exposed. "I'll be right back yeah? Just, get comfortable in the tent."

Tyler gives him a little nod and Josh disappears between the two tents they're hidden behind.

Josh's change in demeanour makes Tyler fill with relief. He can't tell how Josh feels about him, he's kind of passive agressive without meaning to be. Hell, he doesn't even know why Josh came to his rescue in the first place. Upon trying to escape and then stumbling into Josh and the banditos, Josh hadn't even told him why he was so intent on getting him out. All he'd said was. "We're getting you out." And that had been it. Tyler had followed them aimlessly because he wanted to get out and even though he didn't trust the group completely, at the time he didn't care. He still doesn't care. 

He ends up climbing into the tent while he waits for Josh, it's not as stuffy as it looks once he's inside. There's a thin mattress (it's more of a foam mat really) that takes up the entire left side, it's bigger than his own bed and he gulps when he realizes he might be sleeping on that with Josh. 

It looks kind of uncomfortable but the amass of pillows and blankets probably makes up for it. They look like they're from Dema which isn't that surprising, the pillow cases are grey and white and the blankets are the same. They must steal whenever they go into the city. On the right side of the tent there's a deep green duffel bag, flashlight, extra boots, a Dema regulated medical kit and a few other bags. It's organized chaos from the looks of it and Tyler feels safe. 

The impending darkness doesn't bother him or make him shy away from sitting in the dark tent, it's not pitch black yet, the sun has just started setting though, which explains Josh running off for firewood. It's also insanely quiet in this area, which is probably why Josh's tent is all the way over here. 

*

Josh comes back half an hour later, which had felt like much longer then that but Tyler had entertained himself by snooping around a little bit more. He hadn't necessarily gone through Josh's stuff, well not thoroughly anyways. Just a bit of poking around to be considered curiosity. The worst he'd found was a few fancy looking knife. 

"Hey," Tyler says quietly when Josh comes back. Josh doesn't return the greeting. 

Instead he says. "Grab this," Josh's arms are full so Tyler lets Josh hand him the large blanket and extra pillows he's holding and places them into the tent accordingly. The pillows going beside Josh's and the blanket just being thrown over top of the one that's already there. He wants to bury himself under all those blankets. 

There's no talking for awhile after that aside from some easy questions from Josh and Tyler offering to help, to which Josh consistently rejects. 

So, Tyler ends up just sitting in the tent and continues to try and warm up. Flexing his feet and wiggling his toes to make sure they're still there while Josh sets up the fire. Tyler just watches him work because Josh seems to know exactly what he's doing. Everything is strategic, from the way he places the wood to how many dry pine needles he throws into the mix. He's probably been out here for years, he knows how to survive, unlike Tyler who'd die after a day out here alone. 

Once the fire has started Tyler scoots closer to the exit of the tent, legs bent in front of him, elbows on his thighs as he watches smoke spiral upwards into the darkening sky. Josh is sitting too, but he's fully outside, legs spread, tips of his boots being licked at by the flames. 

The warmth of the fire hits Tyler just enough to be comfortable, his spot keeps him out of Josh's way. 

Except Josh doesn't seem to think he's warm enough by the small frown on his lips and after a few minutes of silence he voices that exactly. 

"Why are you just sitting there, shivering away?" Josh asks, his tone isn't harsh but Tyler still reads it off as being kind of impolite. Josh is hard to read. 

Tyler shrugs stupidly, Josh's sweater is keeping him warm enough. 

Josh furrows his eyebrows for a moment. "Yeah, no. Come get warm," Josh tells him, pointing at a spot adjacent to him. 

Tyler stares at him in disbelief. "Why?" 

Josh narrows his eyes. "Get out of the tent." 

Tyler looks up, Josh kind of scares the crap out of him. So he huffs, carefully stands up and gets out of the tent, tentatively pulling the hood of Josh's sweater over his head before sitting down on the hard cold ground where Josh had pointed. 

Josh sighs and Tyler gets comfortable. The silence isn't awkward but it's not exactly desirable. Josh isn't talkative whereas Tyler has so much he wants to say. 

"So why are we over here?" Tyler asks quietly, tracing the loose dirt with his fingers. 

"Hm?" Josh raises an eyebrow at him. 

"Why are we over here instead of over there? With everyone else?" He repeats, louder this time. 

Josh shrugs and pulls out a tall looking thermos from his bag. "It overwhelms me and plus, I like eating alone." He looks at Tyler. "Well, away from everyone anyways." 

"What's that?" Tyler asks. Josh has pulled out two metal bowls from his bag, once again, definitely from Dema. Tyler recognizes them immediately. 

"Soup," Josh unscrews the lid and pours the soup from the thermos into the two bowls, carefully balancing them on his lap, the bowls are steaming once Josh fills them a little more then half way. "Chickpea soup." 

"Take this." Tyler grabs his bowl from Josh and places it in front of him. 

It burns his fingertips. "It's still hot." 

"Yeah," Josh rolls his eyes and takes a big spoonful. He eats with his mouth open and his posture is ruined when he sits, back curved. He look much more comfortable than Tyler, clearly all manners learned in Dema are no longer of importance to him. "So, what was your plan?" Josh asks eventually. 

Tyler's nose twitches, he closes his fist. "My plan............" 

"How were you gonna get out?" Josh clarifies and takes another spoonful of his soup. 

Truthfully, Tyler's plan was shit, he's tempted to lie but doesn't see the point in it. "Um, well I wasn't gonna jump the wall or anything but there's a part of the wall in Keons district that has a crumbled part to it, it's easy to just move the rocks and get out through there." 

Josh nods. "So no one knows about the tunnel,"

"I don't think so, i've never even heard of it." 

Josh's leg is shaking, luckily his bowl of soup has been moved to the ground. "That's cause they don't want you to know about it, if you go to the library though there's a few books about the history of Dema hidden away. Tells you all about the underground tunnels." 

"Oh." Tyler's eye's widen a little bit. He's never been in the library. 

"The bishops don't try particularly hard to keep us from finding out information." Josh takes another sip of his soup. "Plus, they thought they'd closed off the tunnels. Which they did, we just recently broke back into it." 

"Jesus," Tyler murmurs, looking down at his hands, they look intensely pale in this light despite him having tan skin. 

"Yeah," Josh pauses before pointing at Tyler's bowl with his spoon. "Eat your food." 

And Tyler does, because he should. The soup doesn't have much flavour but it's thick and it's still good and warm and god, he's hungrier then he thought he was. "Where do you even get food from?" He hums happily. 

"It's really good." Tyler adds on for good measure. 

"Of course it's good," Josh grins and Tyler wishes it was a genuine smile and not a prideful one. 

"We have different camps set up everywhere, this one, my camp, we're in charge of rescues. Like you. But, the further you go, you'll find other less chaotic camps I guess? Like much more established ones that are a lot safer than this one. There's one about 10 miles from here that's in charge of getting food, they used to just break into Dema and steal but they've got things growing now."

"That makes a lot of sense. Dividing tasks, plus It's safer to have the group dispersed." Tyler nods along, internally grateful that the conversation is slowly becoming less and less awkward. 

"Yeah, everyone here eventually gets transferred to other camps though. Well not the rescue team but everyone who gets rescued gets assigned elsewhere. Or, we let them leave. We don't force anyone to be a part of the rebellion." 

"Do I need to decide that now?" Tyler asks. He has nowhere to go. 

Josh raises an eyebrow. "Decide if you want to stay or go?" 

"Yeah." He takes a bite of soup. 

Josh shakes his head. "No." 

"Can I ask why you rescued me?"

"No." But Josh smiles this time and looks down at his lap.

Tyler huffs. "Okay." 

They eat in silence after that, Tyler carefully eating his food, savouring every last bite. He wishes he had the guts to ask for more especially after he watches Josh grab a slice of bread out of his bag and start eating it. He just cant bring himself to do it. Can't bring himself to say more then what's necessary. 

The fire cracks and heat is in his face and finally, he's actually sort of warm, which makes him curl into himself. Knees pushing into his chest, fingers curling around his calves. His stomach growls and the shock he's felt for the past hours settles into his stomach. It hurts to think about all the possibilities of things that could go wrong for him now that he's out. 

"Are you okay?" Josh asks quietly. 

Tyler wipes at his eyes. "Yeah." 

"I'll do the dishes," 

The only sound for the next hour is the crackling of the fire. It's enough to keep Tyler entertained

*

Josh tells Tyler to get in the tent when the fire is nearly in embers and the sky is fully dark, stars scattered across it. "I'll join you in a bit," Is how he sends Tyler off.

Tyler is quiet in his response. "Okay." And he's even quieter when he stands up, cozy in Josh's hoodie, but he'll be cozier in Josh's bed. 

He doesn't bother asking him if they're both going to be sleeping on the mattress. He knows they will be and he doesn't want to deal with the embarrassment that Josh's witty answer would supply him with. 

He smells like fire now, that clean cut smell he reeked of slowly dissipating the more time he spends outside. He wants to completely rid himself of his old smell, he doesn't want any reminders of Dema. 

Without extra clothes, Tyler's only option for sleepwear is to pull off his boots. He does this lazily, nearly falling over as he squeezes his feet out of them. 

His pants feel tight and uncomfortable but he rather be uncomfortable then get frostbite across the skin of his thighs. He crawls into the bed, immediately radiating towards the corner, pressed against the side of the tent. He tries not to take too much space but that doesn't stop him from pulling the large warm blanket and tucking himself in so no heat can escape. 

When he hears Josh coming back, he pretends to already be asleep. He doesn't know why he does it but he shuts his eyes and curls in on himself as much as possible at the mere sound of Josh. It's believable, it's been a long day. 

Tyler hears Josh step in. "Hey Ty-" And he cuts himself off before a quiet. "Oh." 

And that's all Tyler hears him say before rolling over onto his side, back to Josh, Josh will probably assume he just moves in his sleep. Tyler lets out the most natural breath he can. 

Despite Josh shutting up, the next 5 minutes are still noisy, he can hear Josh closing up the tent. The thick fabric of the tent falling closed and Josh then tying it together. He can hear Josh taking off his boots and then the solid drop of his pants and belt to the ground. There's no way he's going to sleep naked, it's too cold. The sound of Josh digging through bags is what Tyler hears next. 

He listens intently, every little thing Josh does he tries to make out without caving in and turning to look at him. He doesn't know why he's pretending to be asleep anymore and he doesn't understand why he sort of just wants Josh to get in bed with him and break their weird quiet tension. 

Except he doesn't, instead Tyler feels a pillow being grabbed and then a blanket and then shuffling around beside him. 

Josh doesn't lay down on the mattress like Tyler expects him to, and if he does Tyler doesn't feel it. There's the tell all sound of a pillow being dropped and then a blanket and then a groan. 

And after a few minutes it's quiet so Tyler rolls over onto his other side, curling the blanket beneath his fingers to keep them warm. He blinks at the darkness before squinting and searching for Josh. The mattress is nearly level to the ground so he's not hard to spot. 

He's curled up on the opposite side of the tent, blanket pulled over his head. Tyler should've just offered Josh the bed and seen what he'd wanted to do for sleeping arrangements.

*

His nightmares are extensive and never ending, all throughout the night he wakes up over and over again with tears on his cheeks. 

Nico is in every one of them, a hand around his neck, dragging him back to where he belongs. 

Josh never wakes up, even when he's sobbing. 

* 

Tyler doesn't wake up until late afternoon, his body is dead weight at this point and when he starts waking up, he can barely force his eyes to open. He's spread out on the mattress instead of curled in on himself and the only parts of him that are cold are his ears and nose. Which isn't a surprise. He wakes up slowly, wiggling his fingers, stretching out his legs and then arms. 

It feels nice to be well rested, his muscles no longer as tired as they once were. His body ready for the day. It's the best he's slept in months despite the nightmares. 

He's starting to sit up with a yawn when he hears someone say.  "Finally." 

"Shit." Tyler nearly jumps out of his skin, his eyes dart over to the owner of the voice. 

Josh is sitting on the ground atop his blanket from the previous night as he ties his chunky boots up. "Morning," He grins, Tyler sighs, a hand to his heart. 

"You scared me." 

Josh bobs his head a little and adjusts his beanie. No curls escape it and then he pulls the hat off and Tyler gapes a little bit. "I can see that," 

"I uh, thought you had hair." Tyler blurts out and then looks him over properly, Josh's hair is gone, completely buzzed off all the way down to his scalp. He looks good though, really good. 

"I did." Josh pulls himself to his feet, groaning once he's up, hand running over his head to accentuate the lack of hair. "Shaved my head a few hours ago, makes me feel refreshed." 

"Hours?" How long has he been asleep for? In Dema he'd been on a specific sleep schedule, he always woke up at 7am, he got the feeling it was way past that. 

"It's well past lunch," 

Tyler hides his face behind his hands and rubs at his eyes a little bit. Fuck, he's never woken up past seven. It feels good, he yawns and moves a hand to his mouth to hide his teeth, slightly self-conscious around Josh. "Where can I get that done?" He asks, lazily running his fingers through his hair in hopes of making it look better. 

Josh doesn't answer right away, he pulls a jacket on, it's puffy and way too big for him but Tyler's just glad he's finally dressing appropriately for the weather. He flattens it down and then frowns at Tyler. "You want to shave your head?" 

"Uh, yes?" He's done it before, usually after his failed escapes he gets a hair cut. This time it'll be in celebration. 

"You're sure?" He raises an eyebrow, sceptical. Tyler can't understand why, he nods. 

"Hm, okay. Fine." Josh zips up his coat and pulls his beanie back on. "But first, we're getting you warmer clothes." Josh sighs, Tyler's lips are blue. "You need them." 

"Be ready in 5," And Josh leaves the tent, the light from outside leaving with him when the front flap of the tent covers the exit. 

Tyler yawns and gets up. 

* 

He's following Josh again, clinging to him like a loyal dog would an owner. His arm brushes against Josh's every chance he gets and if it bothers Josh, he doesn't say anything. The reassurance of touching him helps assure Tyler that this is all real. He shouldn't need the confirmation, the ground he's walking on should be enough. Yet, he can't help himself. 

The camp is different this time around, or maybe he's just seeing it through a different lens now that his mind is cleared. Everyone seems to be doing something, there's constant movement and smiles. Smiles everywhere, for such a dark camp everyone looks happy.

It's still mildly overwhelming and everyone stares at him and Josh as they walk through the camp. Tyler assumes it's because he's new meat around here, the only person they'd gotten out of Dema during their most recent mission. Maybe they usually bring back more people, he doesn't know, maybe one day he'll help the banditos get others out of Dema. 

Among the banditos, there are choruses of "Good morning Josh," that whisper through the air all throughout their walk. Josh always says it back and greets them with a smile. None of the interactions are deeper than just being polite. 

They eventually stop at one of the bigger tents Tyler has seen so far, his hand brushes Josh's and Josh pulls his hand away so quickly Tyler frowns, he's not sure if he should be offended or not. "What's this?" Tyler asks. 

"This is the storage tent." And Josh grabs him and pulls him by his bicep, fingers pushing into his skin. Tyler winces a little, Josh doesn't seem to notice as he roughly guides him inside. "We keep all of our extra gear in here." 

Tyler looks around, subconsciously focused on Josh's touch. The tent is huge and there's stuff everywhere, hence storage. There are bags and bins stacked on top of each other, the center of the tent is the only place free to walk on. 

Josh leads him over to the right, squeezing  him tighter, like something's bothering him. "Each bag and bin is marked with what's inside." He points to each one with his free hand. "Shirts, long-sleeves, underwear, pants, socks, coats, shoes, we have a little bit of everything at this point."

"Cool," Tyler looks at him. "Um, can you, uh-let go of me now?" Tyler flushes, his ears pink. Luckily, he can excuse it as him being cold. 

The realization seems to dawn on Josh in that moment, he lets go of him. "Sorry." He scratches at his head awkwardly, it's awkward again, Tyler wishes it would stop. "Yeah, so uh, feel free to like grab what you think you need. Obviously just don't clear out all the gear." 

Tyler frowns and brushes his fingers against the side of the tent. "Are you leaving?" 

Josh looks away but nods. "I've got to go see someone, I shouldn't be too long. 10-15 minutes maximum." 

"Leader responsibilities?" Tyler questions. 

"Something like that." 

* 

Josh is gone for 20 minutes and he comes back with pink cheeks and without his coat on. He doesn't even have it with him. 

Tyler doesn't question it and instead shows him what he's picked out. It's very minimal but it'll get the job done with the aid of doing laundry. He has Multiple shirts, a sweater, a coat, and everything else he could need. Plus a spare backpack he found hidden behind one of the bins. 

He's changed out of his previous clothes, Josh's hoodie the only thing left on his body. On top of it his jacket is camouflage, his pants are comfortable and cuff at the ankles and his boots and socks are warmer. 

"Should be good," Josh mumbles, hands shuffling through Tyler's new bag. He pulls away. 

"Can you show me around," Tyler asks quietly, back to Josh as he zips up his bag and slides it on. "Properly." 

Josh chews on the bottom of his lip, in thought before nodding. "Sure, there's not much to see though." 

There's a lot to see, contrary to Josh's words. They go to place to place, all the way from one side to the other. The size of the camp doesn't seem to entice any reaction from Josh, he's so desensitized to being here he doesn't find it cool or interesting. Tyler stays in a constant state of surprise. Everything is so insanely different from Dema that it's hard not to react. 

There are people here that he recognizes, people he thought the bishops had dragged to the necropolis. It makes him uneasy, anxious to see them, anxious because if the bishops ever came here they'd all be taken back. They start with the food tent, there's something of a makeshift kitchen inside but otherwise it's just food stored in old looking bins. Everything looks old here. They move around quickly after that, most of the camp is just people and Josh tells him that he can't necessarily just let him go into anyone's tent just because he's curious. 

"Here's the med tent," Josh says, stepping inside after Tyler. There's no one inside and it's similar to Josh's tent. Mattresses lay on the floor, cleanly made beds, bins everywhere. There's no one in here and Tyler takes it as a good sign, no one is hurt or sick.  

"It's huge." Tyler says, because it is. Not as big as the storage tent but it's big enough to fit at-least 12 people. 

"It's one of our bigger tents," Josh says, kicking at a small rock on the ground. 

"Have you had to be in here before?" 

Josh let's out a dry laugh. "Yeah, i'm kind of careless about myself. So i get injured a lot. I've twisted both of my ankles, fractured my left wrist. I also got stabbed once. That sucked." 

"You got stabbed?" Tyler's eyes are wide, he sits down on one of the mattresses to recollect himself. 

"In Dema," Josh sniffs and sits down across from him. "It was stupid, we were in on a mission and we had like 5 people we were gonna get out. Turns out 2 of them were actually spies." 

"Was it deep?" Tyler asks, wondering where the scar is. Somewhere around his torso and back area makes sense to him. 

Josh shakes his head. "No, luckily it was pretty shallow. The knife was like half the size of the average kitchen knife. I had to leave it in for maybe 3 hours with gauze wrapped around it while we walked back. Our doctor wanted to wait until he had access to all of our medical supplies." 

"You guys have a doctor too? It's so weird to think about all this stuff and to realize that everyone here has been in the same position as I have." 

Josh nods. "I get that. You'll get used to it though. Promise." It's reassuring. 

Josh brings him to their water resource after and then food and really, he shows him everything and explains to him how deeply they all rely on each other. It's like Dema in the sense that everyone has a job, it's necessary for a community like this to survive. But it isn't like Dema in the sense that they have the choice to do or not to do the job, everyone here likes to work and knows that if they want to eat they need to. The gears this camp has turn against each-other perfectly and the more Josh shows him, the more Tyler understands how well put together this place is. Tyler can't even imagine what the others are like. 

* 

They go back to Josh's tent to shave his head after eating lunch by the big bonfire in the center of camp.

And at this point it's well into the afternoon and Tyler doesn't understand why Josh keeps pulling him away from the rest of the banditos but he doesn't question it. Josh has said it before, he's lonely, but that doesn't mean that Tyler should suffer and not get the chance to make friends. Tyler wants to meet people, he wants to know their stories. 

Josh puts away the extra food they brought back into the tent while Tyler sits outside and stares at the large tree that hangs over them. The sun is going to start setting soon and it'll have been nearly two days that he's been in Trench. It's passed by too quickly, the fear that's its only temporary plagues him. 

Josh is what draws him away from his thoughts, everything he does demands all of Tyler's attention. 

He steps back outside with a small grunt and drops his heavy backpack with a thump. His eyes meet Tyler's before flickering away. " You might want to go shirtless." Josh tells him casually, like it's something Tyler is used to doing around others, like it's something Tyler is fully comfortable with.

"What?" Tyler's cheeks heat up, he stares at a spot behind Josh's head, and he tries to hide his blush behind a frown. "Why? It's cold." 

"It's not," Josh turns away from him and steps into the tent once more, not bothering to remove his boots. He starts to pull out one of the plastic bins from the tent, presumably for Tyler to sit on. He drags it outside so it sits in front of the fire pit and then raises an eyebrow at Tyler who's still fully clothed. "Tyler do you want hair stuck to your clothes?" 

"No." 

"Then take your layers off, I'll get you a towel." Josh then crouches down and starts to shuffle around through his bag and Tyler figures he's lost. 

Awkwardly, he peels off his layers. Jacket, sweater, t-shirt, tank top. One after the other, he folds each of them as he takes them off and places them on top of his backpack. He knows Josh is rolling his eyes at him but he can't stop himself from doing it, it's second nature. His tank top comes last. He could definitely leave this on, it's his safety blanket. 

Tyler flushes and takes it off too, up and over his head. "Good enough?" The air isn't that cold but it still manages to make him shiver, the hairs on his arms raise. 

Josh turns around and stares, eyebrows furrowing, hair clippers in hand, Tyler expects him to say something about his body, about how he needs to 'eat more' and get more meat on his bones but Josh doesn't comment on his lack of body fat, he doesn't comment on how lanky he's become. 

Instead, Josh's gaze moves to his chest, mouth slightly open. Tyler follows his eyes and looks down at his chest too. Two tattoos are on his pecs but then there are the scars, light and white scarring covers his ribs and parts of his stomach in criss cross, some clearly deeper than others apparent by how they've healed over, none are fresh but it still feels like wounds have been opened again. Tyler pales and Josh asks. "How'd you get tattoos?" 

Tyler looks away and quickly picks up his tank top again, holding it to his body like a blanket, he wants to cover everything up. "Oh, um-yeah, these.......Well, secretly and very painfully? My friend found a guy who had access to ink, I got them done last year." His scars burn like they're new, Tyler's relieved Josh doesn't mention them and focuses on the outlines of his chest tattoos instead. 

"They're really nice, they suit you." Josh nods and awkwardly turns away to go through his bag again, a way to look occupied. "I never got the chance to get any tattoos." 

"It's easier than it used to be to find tattoo artists around Dema." Tyler says. "There's a very small community of people that don't want to leave but still rebel, they do small things like tattoos, hair dye, piercings, that type of stuff." 

"I'm glad, it's good to have some level of individuality. When I left, it wasn't like that." Josh scratches at his nose and pulls a towel out of his bag. "Could you sit down?" He nods towards the bin he'd pulled out earlier. 

Tyler mumbles a quiet yes and sits on top of the bin, holding his tank top to his stomach as he pushes his legs out, heels digging into the dirt. He bunches his shirt, It's hard not to be conscious of his scars even though Josh has seen them.

Josh shakes the towel off and folds it in half, corner to corner. 

Instead of doing what Tyler expects him to do, Josh does the opposite. 

He doesn't hand Tyler the towel, he steps into his space and wraps the fluffy towel around him instead, getting into his space and bunching it around at his chest, bottom of his hand pressed to his skin. "Hold it like this." He mumbles under his breath and steps away. 

Tyler breathes out and holds it how Josh had, skin warm where Josh had touched. The towel covers his back and shoulders now, like a cape, it'll protect his back from getting covered in hair. 

He watches Josh set up, and play around with the hair clipper until it turns on properly. He grins when it buzzes and steps over a bundle of firewood to get to Tyler. 

"How close do you want the shave to be?" Josh asks getting behind him to inspect the length of his hair. Easily, he ruffles Tyler's hair a little bit and Tyler lets out a shaky breath. 

"I don't know, as close as possible?" He murmurs, staring at his hands to keep him from turning to look at Josh. 

"Got it, I can definitely do that." Josh's hand ends up on his shoulder, all the heat of his body seems to rush to that one spot. "And you're sure?" He asks. 

Tyler rolls his eyes. "Yes." 

The only sound he hears for the next 15 minutes is the buzzing of the clippers and the only thing he registers feeling is Josh's fingers on his scalp and in his hair. It hard not to focus on every little touch when he hasn't had human contact in months, almost a year. 

Josh starts at the back of his head and gently works his way up. He moves him so he's looking at his feet, it's like that the entire time. Except, his one free hand never stops touching him while the other holds the clippers. First his nails dig into his shoulders and then his hand is on his neck, thumb against the back of his ear. Tyler squirms a little bit every time he moves that free hand, especially when fingers push through the hair that hasn't been shaved off yet and hold. 

He expects Josh to let go of his hair, to hold onto the side of his head so he can guide him to the right angles. But, Josh continues to hold his hair instead, pulling him to where he wants him to be. It shouldn't be arousing but Tyler has to hold in all the little noises he's tempted to make when Josh's nails scratch at his scalp and his fingers pull on his hair. It doesn't help that he's not pulling hard either, no, he's gentle and Tyler just follows the movement.

Although he has an intimidating exterior, Josh is soft, in the way he talks, moves, touches. And Tyler's experiencing this softness firsthand as Josh touches him and guides him. 

His leg bounces and his fingers scratch at his thighs to keep him distracted. Hair falls in his eyes and he's a lot colder than he was before as his scalp is freed from the thick mess of hair he's had for months.  

Eventually he closes his eyes and slumps his back a little, it's unnatural for him, his posture to be so off, but he's tired, he's so tired. Josh's knee presses to his lower back when he does it and Tyler's breath hitches at the touch. This shouldn't be something that affects him, but it is. 

The buzzing ends sooner than he'd been expecting, Tyler bites on his finger to hide the tiny whine he makes when Josh stops touching him. It's embarrassing that he's enjoying this so much. 

Josh pulls the towel off his back, leaving shivers to climb up his skin. "Is it weird to say your head has a nice shape?" Josh asks, he dusts off the remainder of Tyler's loose hair from his head. The strands fall. 

"Kind of?" Tyler says, Josh likes his head shape, he makes sure to keep his eyes forward and his body relaxed. "But it's a compliment I guess, so i'll take it." 

Josh hums. "Well, you're done." 

The second he's able to stand up, he doesn't focus on his new haircut, his shaved head is pushed back in his mind. He's thinking about his scars instead, He's pulling on his tank top, it's slightly see through, enough so that his tattoos seem to shine through the fabric but thick enough that his scars are hidden. 

"I'd offer you a mirror but I don't have one." Josh says, placing the clippers on top of the bin. "You'll just have to take my word for it when I say you look good and that I didn't screw up." 

Josh thinks he looks good, he's caught off guard for a moment and then he's hyper focused on hiding. 

Tyler looks at him before sliding on his (Josh's) hoodie, head getting caught in the fabric for a second. "Well, I trust you." He murmurs, like it's a secret. Its supposed to be one, but it's turned into an off handed comment, a comment Josh shouldn't pay too much attention to, he shouldn't dive too deep into it, he shouldn't realize that Tyler trusts him way more than he should at this stage. 

Josh pats him on the shoulder. "I trust you too."


	2. Chapter 2

Night fall comes quickly. 

Their routine is the same as before, quiet polite conversation flows between them. Josh doesn't stop asking him if he's okay, if he needs something. Tyler's okay. He doesn't need anything. They eat on opposite ends of the fire and Josh's face gets hit with the smoke more than once but he doesn't move. Tyler assumes it's his pride. 

He's tired, his body aches, he's mentally exhausted. 

When they both start yawning and sleepily trying to stay awake, Josh decides to put out the fire. It's small at this point so he ends up using a bucket of water to put it out. Tyler stays and watches this time so they can go in the tent together. 

Josh is shutting it closed once they're safely inside. There's an unspoken tension about who's sleeping where tonight but Tyler is already gravitating towards the mattress and sitting down. "I'm so tired." He yawns. "Considering we barely even did anything." 

Josh nods and starts going through his things, back to Tyler. "By next week you'll probably be full of energy. You just need to get more adjusted." 

"You're right." And then he relaxes completely, shutting his eyes, curling in on himself for a moment. Taking what time he needs to recollect. When he looks up Josh is pulling off his clothes, layer after layer, he doesn't notice Tyler's eyes on him, his mind is far away somewhere else, clear in the way his eyes focus on nothing. 

Tyler watches, fingers twirling around a piece of his hair. 

Watching Josh change isn't something he means to do but once he's looking, he can't look away. 

His pants disappear first, they don't reveal skin, but a pair of tight long johns instead, Tyler stares at his crutch for a moment, he gulps. Josh throws his jeans to the side and is quick about the next 30 seconds. For Tyler it feels like 30 minutes, it's all happening in slow motion. 

Josh's muscles tense when he pulls his sweater up and over his head, lean hard milky pale skin exposed to the barely there lighting of the flashlight they have pointing towards the sky. Tyler stares, watches as his abdomen contracts, stares at scar on his stomach, watches when he turns around, watches his back muscles flex and stretch. He hasn't been in such close proximity to anyone in too long, it's getting to him. 

It's like a show that's only for him, except he hasn't actually been invited. He looks away when Josh turns back around with a thin long-sleeve on, it clings to him like a second skin. "Are you going to change?" He asks, an eyebrow raised, his voice raspy after a long day of talking. "You do have your own clothes now." 

Tyler blinks and quickly looks away, fuckfuckfuck. "Oh, yeah. Right, right, clothes.........." He awkwardly trails off and crawls over to the end of the mattress and grabs his bag of clothes. Josh's body is engraved into his mind. His v-line, the thin line of hair trailing down from his belly button. He can only imagine what follows. 

Shyly, he turns away from Josh when he changes. Turn-about is only fair but his scars, his fucking scars. even though Josh has seen them, he never wants him to see them again. It's embarrassing, weak. He doesn't want to be weak. So he hides. The fabric of his pyjamas is rough beneath his hands as he pulls them on as fast as possible. He kicks his boots off first, slides his pants down and slides his new sweatpants on. 

Eventually he takes off Josh's hoodie for the second time that day and folds it, sitting on his thighs and laying it across them. Just like everything else it smells like camp fire but underneath all of that there's that clear smell of Josh. 

Josh coughs from behind him. "You can keep it." He murmurs. 

"Huh?" Tyler turns. 

"The hoodie." Josh is sitting on the ground already, legs crossed, he's leaning back on the palms of his hands. He's been watching Tyler. Tyler blushes and picks at the fabric. "I have more." Josh murmurs. 

Tyler smiles. "Thanks." 

The shuffling of them getting ready for bed is the only noise for the next 5 minutes, Josh turns the flashlight off, Tyler finishes getting changed and they both try and get comfortable. Tyler can't pretend to be asleep again. So he doesn't, he keeps moving and shifting to make noise, to let Josh know he's awake. 

Josh eventually huffs. "Sleep." 

And Tyler stares at the top of the tent, one leg bent, the other shaking, it's a tick. 

Talking, he needs to say something. 

"Is the floor really that comfortable?" He asks quietly, there's no reason to whisper but he does anyways. The question hangs in the air like a weight, it's practically an invitation for Josh to get in bed with him 

It's silent, except for the rustling of tree branches until Josh sniffs out a even quieter. "Yeah, it's fine. I'm used to it." 

"Okay." Tyler says, folding his arms over his chest. "We can switch spots though." Or we can share. He wants to share, he wants to be the big spoon. "Or if you want, I can sleep there."

Josh is quiet again, gentle breaths. "No."  
Tyler wants to apologize for no reason at all, Josh says. "Good night." And Tyler watches as he rolls over onto his side and cuddles into his pillow. 

* 

He sleeps restlessly, rolling around the bed, waking up at odd hours of the night before shutting his eyes again. When he actually wakes up he lets out a quiet groan followed by a yawn and then grabs the blankets around him. He pulls them up around him, tucking himself under them as he adjusts and tries to get comfortable again. 

He can feel how early it is, he can see how early it is because when he cracks open his eyes for a short moment they fall on Josh. Josh who's still sleeping on the ground, body facing the opposite direction of him. He looks comfortable, all wrapped up in his own blankets, his feet sticking out at the bottom, his body curled. 

Tyler rubs at his forehead with the palm of his hand and takes a deep breath before shifting around to lay on his stomach. As he twists his body around, the movement knocks the breath out of his lungs. Perhaps out of shock, maybe surprise. 

"Oh," He breathes out, sharply, involuntarily. Shit. He tenses up for a second, daring himself to stay still, paralyzing his entire being for just a moment as he lets himself breathe. In, out, in, out, Tyler exhales and shifts his hips just in the slightest, pressing them forward into the mattress, just to see, just to feel. It feels good. "Fuck," He breathes out, slapping his hand over his mouth. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He hides his face in his pillow for a moment before making a decision. 

Gently he turns himself back onto his back, using his hands to manoeuvre himself around. He tries to not make too much noise as he does it, and eventually he's on his back again, layers of heavy covers pressing down on his body. he pushes them down, tries to be quiet about it just in case but he makes a small noise when the blankets brush against his cock. He kicks the blankets the rest of the way down with his feet, shuffling them to rest at the end of the mattress. 

Tyler hasn't touched himself in nearly half a year, he hasn't been able to get it up in months. He blames Dema, his countless failed escapes, the amount of discomfort he felt whenever he had the opportunity to masturbate. There was nothing arousing about living there, nothing safe, nothing good. A wave of relief seems to flood through him as he stares at his erection straining against his long johns. 

He leans back against the pillow under him, tilting his head back with a sigh, he lets his hands rest on his stomach. His fingers twitch. His cock twitches. 

Tyler looks at Josh as he slowly pushes his hand into his long johns. His breath hitches, his eyes flutter closed, Tyler lets his hand just rest there, fingers moving gently, slowly, up and down his dick, barely providing pressure. Barely providing anything. His eyes stare at the back of Josh's head. 

It's a bad idea, it's a good idea, Tyler pulls his hand out of his pants with a quiet noise and sits up properly pulls to the blankets back over him, to provide safety. If Josh wakes up, Tyler can hide. 

Safely hidden under blankets, Tyler is pushing down his pants to his ankles and spitting into the palm of his hand. "Okay," Tyler is wrapping a hand around his dick, wet with saliva and giving himself a gentle squeeze and a gentle pump. 

Slowly, so slowly, he moves his hand up and down his cock. Like he used to, except he can't watch, he keeps his eyes on the ceiling. And he breathes into the crook of his left arm at first, willing himself to be as quiet as possible as his right hand gets faster, as pleasure melts him into the mattress, as his thumb swipes at the top of his dick to collect pre-cum. Tyler trembles. 

He lifts one of his legs, bends it at the knee while the other lays there numb, toes curling. His hips twitch and will him to push his cock into his hand harder, he does, his whole body moves with the moment and shit, Tyler whines and slaps his hand over his mouth. The concept of sound is hard to understand, he has no idea how loud he's being and he doesn't want to care but he's looking at Josh as he jerks off now and he has to care about wether or not he wakes him up because of this. 

wet, slick, hot, Tyler speeds up his hand and does all the things he knows he likes. He stays quiet but he's panting, inevitably. Still, he shakes and wants to cry a little bit as his orgasm builds up slow, slowly, slowly and his toes are curling and his eyes are locked on the back of Josh's head.

Josh who's rolling around to lay on his back, Josh who's moving and might be waking up. Tyler flicks his wrist and moves his hand faster, his hips twitching, his body pressing for more, it doesn't take very long until he's turning his head to the side and hiding his face into his pillow as he comes all over himself with a gasp. 

He pants into his pillow as he listens to Josh move around and shift a few feet away from him.

*

If Josh had heard anything, he doesn't mention it during the day and instead brings him on a hike through the mountains. There are other banditos and Tyler distances himself from Josh in favour of talking to someone else, it's nerve racking and Josh frowns at him for a moment but Tyler just shrugs and starts walking beside someone else. Tyler frowns when a girl runs up to take the spot beside Josh he had previously been occupying. 

"Hi," He's walking beside a girl, blonde, sparkling blue eyes. "I'm Tyler." 

She smiles at him and steps over a rock. "I know, Josh told me about you. I'm Jenna." 

Tyler raises an eyebrow. "Josh talks about me?"

"Sometimes yeah, he's mentioned you a few times." She tells him, when Tyler slows down for a second, she touches his shoulder. "Nothing bad." Jenna smiles sweetly. "Don't worry about it." 

"Okay." He shrugs, letting it go. "Where are we?" 

"Right now we're in the forest but we're going to the cliff drop, it's nice up there I promise." Jenna says,' she looks at him with a tilt of her head. "Are you scared of heights?" 

Tyler meets her eyes. "Not really."

"Then you should like it, it's a nice view." 

"Is it dangerous?"

"It is if you stand near the edge, but we stay away from that. We've had a few accidents." 

"Oh."

Jenna smiles. "We'll keep you safe." 

Tyler smiles back, weakly.

* 

By the time they've made it to the cliff, Tyler's panting and red in the face. Jenna is breathing a little heavier but otherwise looks fine. 

Everyone scatters once they hit the top though and Tyler finds himself searching for Josh. He’s not hard to spot considering he’s the only person he recognizes. 

He finds him sitting by one of the few trees up here, the woman he had been walking with directly in front of him as they speak. 

Tyler thinks he might’ve been jealous had Josh not looked so bored and uninterested as he spoke to her.

 

* 

A week passes by quickly. Tyler wakes up at noon and goes to bed at midnight. His days feel short but at the same time, so long.

He doesn't sleep well either, his nightmares are still consistent. So, he's restless and if Josh notices the bags under his eyes, he stays quiet. He's learnt that Josh doesn't ask a lot of questions, wether if it's because he doesn't care or is too polite, Tyler doesn't know but either way he appreciates it. He's never had so much privacy. 

Tyler realizes he has a small staring problem halfway through the week, he constantly finds himself watching Josh. It's hard not to look at him though, he's the only person he's talked to so far and the only friend he has and he's cute, which is a bonus. At first he thinks he's only doing it because he's lonely and Josh is attractive and nice and touchy with him. 

But it goes deeper then that when he starts noticing all the little things, the way he uses his entire face to smile, the way he fidgets, shakes, plans. Everything he does is so careful and calculated and Tyler only comes to realize it when Josh has to make leader related decisions. Josh thinks over every thing he does, every touch, every word. He gives off an intimidating exterior purely because he doesn't want to let himself be taken by surprise. 

After that he notices it all the time. He notices everything Josh does to hold his ground and Tyler's sure he's never met anyone as interesting as him. 

Despite spending all of their time together, they don't talk very much. Their conversations are civil and there's something's missing.

Tonight, he's tired, which isn't something new. Josh is sitting beside him instead of his usual spot: far away. It's comforting for Tyler and Josh knows it, especially because it's late. it's at least 1am, and they'd both realized after a few days of sitting around the fire and sleeping in the same tent that neither of them really fall asleep until around 2am, so without talking about it, they'd silently started staying outside until they couldn't bare it anymore. 

The fires crackling tonight, they've had one every night since he arrived, it's not necessary but Tyler's grown accustomed to it and Josh seems more than happy to put one together for him. They could join the other banditos at the main bonfire but Josh never does and Tyler doesn't want to go alone. 

He starts the night leaning on his knees and ends up on his back at some point, yawning, and bone tired. He had been ready to curl up on the ground and sleep by the open fire but then he'd looked up, squinted and: "Holy fuck." He can see the stars, milky colours painting across the sky and it's never been like this in Dema. So maybe this is why he's so amazed, in awe, eyes wide as they take in the sky above him. "Wow." He murmurs. 

"What?"

"It's just,- the sky. It's never looked like this in Dema." 

Josh smiles slightly and scoots closer beside him, Tyler tenses for a brief second before relaxing, he feels himself sink. "Oh yeah, the night sky is so clear over here. It's ridiculous." 

"It's cool." Tyler yawns and stretches out, fingers touching dirt and grass and stones. He doesn't mind. "Do you ever sleep out here?" He asks quietly, keeping his voice just above a whisper. 

"During summer," Josh tells him. He scratches the bridge of his nose, then his scruff. There's silence underneath the sound of the crackling fire. "Sometimes. It's good, it feels safe." 

Tyler nods and stares into the darkness above them. He can hear Josh breathing beside him, hear him moving. 

"Lie down." Tyler shuts his eyes, he can't look at him. Not right now. Dirt cakes under his finger nails, Tyler let's his legs relax, let's his limbs go as limp as they desire. This is what he needs right now and he caves. 

He hears Josh go to answer, he expects the worst but then he hears shuffling and breathing and a body laying down beside him. He hears movement. He doesn't look but he knows, he feels him there, close, warm. Tyler is surprised but he doesn't mention it, there's no reason to. 

"It's so quiet here." Tyler turns onto his side, just in the slightest. He twists towards Josh but his eyes stay closed, his eyelids are heavy and opening them feels like a greater feat than keeping them closed. 

Josh makes a noise in response and Tyler breathes out, stretching his legs out. The flames of the fire lick at the bottom of his shoes and he's vaguely reminded of his childhood, or the parts he can actually remember. Which isn't much, he remembers having a fireplace though, he remembers it all being artificial. The ground suddenly feels cold. He opens his eyes, one at a time and looks at Josh. 

His eyes are on the sky, arms folded behind his head like a pillow. He's completely stretched out, legs crossed, body lounged comfortably against dirt. Tyler takes a second to admire him, it's dark, it's really dark but the fire, despite being small, lights up his features. His eyes are soft, dark as they wander and his lips, Tyler can't stop looking at them as Josh breathes in and out. He's hard not to stare at.  

Josh tilts his head then, moving to look at him and Tyler looks away with a small frown. Embarrassed. Josh is silent for a moment, Tyler watched him shuffle around and get comfortable through his peripheral vision all while he traces the shape of constellations with his eyes. 

"Do you like it here?" Josh asks quietly. It's an easy question and the answer is so incredibly obvious he wonders why Josh is asking. Tyler can feel his eyes on him, he feels exposed. 

"Yeah," Tyler shuts his eyes again, tiredly, his body wants to sleep. "It's good." It's safe. 

"Good." Josh says. Tyler expects him to look away then, he expects him to roll back over on to his back and he expects them both to go back to silently star gazing. It's peaceful, comfortable, Tyler has never felt such a level of comfort in his life. Despite his expectations, Josh doesn't turn away. Tyler breathes in sharply when he feels Josh scoot himself closer, close enough that if Tyler rolled over to face him he could easily pull him into a hug. 

"Did you want your own tent?" He asks, the words all come out in one go. 

Tyler tenses for a moment, the answer falls off of his tongue before he can think of a better response. "No." He whispers. 

"No?" Josh frowns for a moment, pushing himself up into a sitting position with palms of his hands to look at Tyler properly. It makes Tyler squirm, the way Josh looks at him, stares at him. He wants to hide. "No?" 

"No." Tyler gulps, he throws an arm across his eyes, keeps it there and is vaguely reminded of his hand around his dick and his teeth biting st the crook of his arm. 

"Okay." Josh is beside him, Tyler feels him touch his arm. Tyler tenses. “Why not?" 

He takes a deep breath. “I'm not ready to be alone yet." 

"Do you feel safe with me?" 

"Yes." 

"Okay." 

Tyler rolls onto his side, slowly, away from Josh and curls up, his eyes narrowing on the dark of the forest surrounding them. "Okay." He whispers, voice rasping. "Can we sleep out here?" 

"No." 

"Okay." Tyler shuts his eyes. "Maybe another day?" 

"Yeah." Josh coughs out. "Eventually." 

It's quiet again, Josh stops asking questions, Tyler stops talking all together and they just lie there in the silence. It takes another hour before either of them speak, Tyler had been on the verge of actually falling asleep when he heard Josh get up and say they should go to bed. So Tyler gets up and gets in the tent while Josh properly puts out their fire that had been in mere embers when he'd gotten up. 

He sits on his bed, head between his legs in exhaustion as he waits for Josh to come inside. When he hears movement at the front of the tent his eyes snap up to look at Josh. Josh who’s cheeks are pink from the cold.

“You okay?” Josh asks, pulling his jacket off as he starts slipping off his shoes. 

Tyler smiles weakly, his mouth is dry. “Yeah,” 

Josh nods and crouches down to sift through his things, Tyler doesn’t bother moving. Theres no reason to, he shuts his eyes for a moment and when he opens them Josh is standing up and starting to pull off his clothes, layer by layer, Tyler doesn’t bother looking away. He stares at his neck, his back, lower, lower, lower. His eyes follow the line of his body. 

His eyes focus on him, everything surrounding them is a blur. And when Josh turns around, Tyler doesn’t look away. He feels himself stop breathing for a second when he’s met with the sight of Josh’s torso, nipples. He’s hairless, smooth all over. 

“Tyler?” 

Tyler looks up then, slowly snapping out of it to meet Josh’s eyes. Josh is frowning. Josh’s cheeks are pink. “Sorry,” Tyler sniffs and rubs at his eyes. “Just a bit out of it.”

“It’s fine,” He shrugs and pulls a sweater on, zipping it up to cover his chest. “You’re alright yeah?” 

“Uh-huh.” Tyler smiles grimly and then turns his back to him to pull at his hoodie and lift it over his head. He sheds his layers of clothing just like Josh had, except he doesn’t fold them and just lets them fall to his mattress instead. He can hear Josh behind him, getting ready for bed and he wonders if Josh is looking at him. He doesn’t check though, he rushes through the rest of his routine. He pulls his pants down and his long johns down in one go, leaving him in his briefs and he climbs into bed. 

He starts getting comfortable and only pauses when he hears Josh.

“You’re going to freeze.” Josh murmurs from across the tent, now on the floor, rearranging his pillow. 

Tyler huffs out a breath, groans. “Right.” 

 

* 

Tyler wakes up in tears again, immediately sitting up, Nico is here, the bishops are back, they've found him. His hands are trembling and his anxiety attack hits him full force. 

Tyler doesn't expect it but it's overwhelming, something he's never experienced before, his entire body reacts, tears streak his cheeks, his hands search for something to hold and he can't find any air. He doesn't even recognize Josh getting up, he barely registers the quiet Tyler? What's wrong? or the oh shit, fuck, uh. It's too loud and too quiet at the same time and even with his eyes open, he can't see anything. 

The tent goes blurry and everything feels sharper, each sound so much louder. His breathing comes from his chest, sporadic, all over the place. He's only vaguely aware of Josh standing beside the mattress. 

"Can I touch you?" Josh asks carefully, crouching down to Tyler's current height. Hand on the space beside Tyler's thigh. 

Words don't exist anymore, Tyler nods between harsh breaths, he can't move or speak but he nods, his heart is beating out of his chest and his entire body is static. He doesn't know what he needs and neither does Josh which explains how tentative he is. 

A hand is placed on his shoulder first, Tyler feels it, registers it and he breathes out. "Look at me," Josh says, Tyler looks at him, it's too dark but he can make out his eyes. "Good, that's good. Now breathe in." Josh breathes in, he uses his whole chest. Tyler copies him and copies him again when he breathes out. 

That starts a new wave of tears, Tyler's entire body crumbles, his entire demeanour and he falls forward into Josh's arms. Brokenly sobbing and breathing against his chest. Josh allows it and pulls him closer, sitting up onto the mattress so he can hold him properly. 

"Heyheyhey, Tyler, stay with me." There's a hand on his cheek, holding along his jaw. Tyler shuts his eyes and follows Josh's breathing, he focuses on it again like he had before, Josh makes sure to do it loudly, dramatically. 

The tears stop but there's not enough air and he's so light, so high. He needs something heavy, Josh seems to have the right idea when he pushes all of his weight onto him, arms wrapping around him in a tight hold. Tyler's entire body is buzzing, heavy but light. Josh gets completely on top of him, in his lap, fully sitting on his thighs, his legs crossed. 

"Okay?" Josh whispers, his hold never faltering. He's in Tyler's lap, wrapping himself around him. Tyler feels grounded, Josh is like a weighted blanket and it's bringing him back down to where he needs to be, having him to his chest reminds him to control his breathing, reminds him his heart needs to slow down and so does the rest of him. 

"We're gonna lay down now." Josh says, his words are clear. Tyler isn't very responsive, speaking doesn't come easily still but he lets Josh get him onto his back. And Josh rolls him onto his side and positions his legs so they're bent and the whole time, he's talking and explaining what he's doing. He's moving the blanket, he's touching his shoulder, his waist, Tyler i'm touching your hip, okay, and now your thigh, Tyler you're okay, good job, i'm moving your legs, he moves his legs. Tyler focuses on that. 

Josh tucks him in, multiple blankets pile on top of Tyler. It's not enough, he's still floating. Josh goes to move.

"Don't." Tyler manages, Josh is still on the bed. 

Tyler says. "Please." Josh says nothing. 

Even with the lack of words and minimal indication of what he wants. Josh understands and gets into the bed without a second thought, Tyler's body is dead weight but he moulds to Josh's form and Josh moulds to his. He instinctively gets in behind him and wraps an arm around his middle, the other sliding underneath his pillow. The mattress makes noise with every adjustment and it helps, it helps, Josh helps more though. 

They both pass out within minutes. Tyler is dead weight. 

* 

Tyler wakes up and Josh is still holding him, their ankles are hooked together, warmth radiates from Josh's body to his. He wakes up slowly, one thing at a time, he's drowsy and tired. There's a weight on his chest that's like no other and it's not from Josh's arm that's locked around him. 

He panics and tries to sit up, he can't breathe. This wakes Josh up, he might've already been awake, Tyler doesn't know, but the moment he starts squirming Josh hushes him and holds him tighter until Tyler calms down. 

He's tense in the arms around him, Josh's forehead is against his makes back, he's unbothered that they're cuddling, skin to clothes. "You're okay." He murmurs, and then. "Do you want me to let go of you?" 

Silence eats the question and Josh starts to let go of him at his lack of consent, his hold loosening, his body pulling away. Tyler panics and pulls him back by his arm. 

"No." Tyler feels safe like this, he is safe like this. He's never felt this grounded and close to the ground before. Josh is like an anchor that never stops sinking. "It's good." 

Josh makes a little humming noise and says nothing else. Eventually, Tyler is eased back into his hold and his nerves slowly disappear and are replaced with a new type of anxious at the realization of how naked he really is. He lets go of the tense in his shoulders though, his back, his body. Limb by limb he falls back into the peaceful comfort he had been in before fully waking up. 

He fully emerges himself into the cuddling, it makes him less anxious to be with Josh like this. Warm and comfortable under the covers. It's provides a level of safety and comfort he's never felt before. He doesn't remember much of last night, it's blurry, but he knows that Josh had taken care of him and eased him down from a panic attack without a second thought. 

They don't fall back asleep, but they do shut their eyes and relax. At least until Tyler's stomach growls and Josh chuckles. 

"You need to eat." Josh is soft. 

He shakes his head. "Not hungry." 

"How do you feel?" 

"Anxious." Tyler mumbles and hides his face against a pillow.  

Josh's hand moves up to his hand, just to be close, not to hold. He strokes up and down his arm. "You're still hungry even if you can't feel it." He whispers against the back of his neck, wether it be on purpose or just because he didn't feel like tilting his head away Tyler doesn't know, or care, what he does know is that it makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up. "I'll grab you some water and something to eat." 

He doesn't want him to leave him, he doesn't want Josh to stop holding him. Yet, Tyler says. "Okay." And then takes a deep breath. 

Josh slowly lets go of him.

The rest of the day is spent in a foggy haze, Tyler helps Josh organize his tent after they eat breakfast together. He may not have felt the hunger but by the time he'd eaten everything Josh had given him he already felt a little bit better, stronger. 

*

At night, with the sun set and the moon out they sit by the fire. 

"Should I be scared?" Tyler whispers, poking at the embers with his stick, the fire crackles. The fear of being out is never ending for him. 

Josh shifts beside him, their knees touch. "No, but-" He pauses, Tyler knows he's looking at him but he keeps his eyes on the fire, flames dancing in his eyes. "It's okay if you are, not everything has to be perfect." 

"I dont want to go back." Tyler mumbles, resting his chin on his folded forearms. 

"You're not going back." Josh reaches for his hand and grabs it, Tyler heats up. "As long as you want, i'll keep you safe and so will the rest of us. You're family now, you're apart of this and family takes care of each other." 

Josh's touch is unexpected, Tyler expects him to pull away but he doesn't, not even when Tyler tangles their fingers together. "Thank you." Tyler mumbles, tiredly watching the fire. "Can you tell me a story?" 

He can see Josh nod in his peripheral. "About what?" His voice is a mere whisper. 

"Your time in Dema." Tyler blurts out, he squeezes his hand. "But i mean, only if you want to. i don't wanna force you." 

Josh squeezes his hand back. "It's not a sore subject for me." 

"And y'know; really It's not awful in there." He starts, slightly hesitant. Tyler turns to give him his full attention and Josh avoids the eye contact in favour of the open fire. "We're just all so used to it. Like, when you don't know anything outside of Dema and everything and everyone you know is there, leaving isn't even something you think of. It's not one of those questions." 

"But what was outside of Dema was my biggest question. I grew up asking my parents about what was outside of Dema and at first they would just say nothing, Josh there's nothing outside of here, don't fret. Josh don't worry about it." Josh pauses and Tyler strokes his thumb across his knuckles. "I wasn't worried though, I wasn't scared. I was just curious, I wanted answers. And no one would give me them. When I reached 12 years old, I didn't stop asking. My parents decided to set up a meeting with Keons, to set me straight and mostly shut me up."  

Tyler's eyes widened. "Holy shit." 

Josh's laugh is humourless. "Once a week i'd go talk to him, it scared the shit out of me but instead of getting scared of what was outside, it was more like a wake up call. Why are they enforcing this so much y'know? I got smart after that, my family started getting aggressive when i came back more interested in leaving then ever. I figured out i needed to pretend that I wanted to stay there forever after my dad slapped me. So I did, then 5 years of me being the perfect child passed by. And I left on my own." 

"How long have you been out here then? If you left when you were 17?" 

Josh smiles. "Is this an indirect way of asking me how old I am?" 

"Sorta." Tyler links their pinkies and squeezes. Josh does it right back. 

"I'm 26, I think. I stopped keeping track of my birthday a while ago." 

"I don't even know what month it is anymore." Tyler leans back on his palms. "Escaping over and over again and feeling dead as you get dragged back kind of messes with your mind." 

"You put up a good fight though." Josh looks at him, a soft, gentle look. 

Tyler returns it, he scoots closer to him, feeling too far away. The gesture is almost unnoticed. Josh presses their thighs together. "It's so nice out here." 

"Does it ever get boring for you?" 

"Not really," He pauses. "it's always an adventure. Im always meeting new people, everyday feels different for me. It's kind of indescribable? It's probably just because of how I grew up but I try and live everyday looking through a different lens." 

"You're an interesting guy." 

"And, uh thank you for last night. That hasn’t happened in a while and i'm glad you were there to help me through it I guess." 

"I'm glad I could help."

**Author's Note:**

> there will be a second part, do not fear. 
> 
> tumblr//junpsuits


End file.
